These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
