I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
