he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
