I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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