I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
smell my finger.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
