she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
