I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just had sex on a roof
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
