return my video game
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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