So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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