I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Found your dick twin last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
