did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Terrible idea I love it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
