And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
