Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
