I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize