woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
