census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
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HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
These tits shall not be calmed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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