He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
