dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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