i may or may not be watching the land before time
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
