i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
