Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
