Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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