How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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