yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
