I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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