I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Congratulations! We have a period
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
