I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
