It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
