i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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