If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
