how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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