I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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