and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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