She announced her abortion via fbk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
