I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
