When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
