I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
