Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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