I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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