she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
