Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Are my feet made of real feet?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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