Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
