After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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