I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
