12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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