He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
