saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
