I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
