if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
They have beer where we have blood.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
