Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
