dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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