there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
this is an emotional support booty call
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
