I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
