be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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