Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Someone came in the potted fern
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
