how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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