Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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