Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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