i was born a porn star she said
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
