my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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